This weekend was spectacular. Irene and I spend Saturday afternoon sailing. It turns out she really knows her way around the boat. They let her handle it for awhile and I just sat back and watched as she seemed to practically glow. We had lunch on the boat before turning to our room to lounge in the private hot tub on our patio. Room service delivered some chocolate covered strawberries and a bottle of champagne. We watched the sunset on the ocean from the hot tub and I can honestly say I can't remember every having a better time in my life.

Irene is special. Unlike anyone I've ever met before and she constantly surprises me. There is nothing that I don't feel like I can't talk with her about. It's like she is able to see inside my heart and pull out my deepest secrets and desires and I don't mind. I'm fine with letting my carefully built walls down for her. Making love to Irene was amazing and probably the most beautiful experience I've ever had. I'll treasure everything about this weekend. In fact, I'm hoping we can come back here to visit when it warms up a bit. I already consider the inn our place.

Unfortunately the relaxation ended the moment I dropped her off at her door and headed back to my place. Those damn nightmares are back. Intense nightmares that I can't seem to wake up from. When I do wake up, I'm clawing at the sheets, trying to get away from Ashmore and his demon army. I can't get Frank's face out of my dreams. I wake up hearing him scream. I think maybe I'm losing my mind, but maybe this is the natural order of things. I couldn't process the events of the apocalypse before because I was wound too tight. Irene has brought me this inner peace and now my subconcious is releasing my deepest fears.

Or maybe I need to step away from the psychology book and consult a professional. If the nightmares don't stop, I'll have no choice. I can't go with no sleep. Been there and it was a disaster.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Everybody here wants you by Jeff Buckley

I keep having bad nightmares about the apocalypse. Frank's death is replayed nearly every time I close my eyes. I don't understand why all of this surfacing now, but it's really getting to be a pain in the ass. Thankfully, Irene and I are leaving this afternoon to go to the Malibu Beach Inn. I booked up a one bedroom ground floor room that has a fireplace and a hot tub on the patio. We can walk out to the beach from our room.

I can't wait to get off the Hellmouth and spend some quality time with Irene. I've never had a relationship like this before. It's built on communication, trust, and it's sweet. I can't help but smile whenever I'm around her. She's an amazing girl. I just wish her brother Nick would stop giving me the evil eye. I'm not going to hurt his sister.

We're leaving as soon as we finish our classes today so we should get there not long after check in. I've already arranged to have a private dinner on the deck of our room. I even made a mix cd of slow songs so we could dance if she wanted too. I swear, being with Irene, makes me return to being a teenager in love. It's not a bad feeling at all.

I had the worst dreams last night. Fiercely realistic dreams of the apocalypse and mostly about how Frank died. I woke up thinking I had his blood on my hands again. Freaked me out. Then something worse happened.

Irene called to tell me that Ingrid was missing. I rushed over there just in time to hear they'd heard from Maddy and Trick. Tristan's car was found with the door open and Ingrid's purse was there. No idea if this was a demon snatching or if it was a mugging gone bad by humans. The cops are working the human angle and the rest of us are pairing off to search for any sign of them.

Irene and I are teamed up. I wish I could do something to assure her we'll find her sister. Ingrid will be found, I won't accept any other answer. Tristan knew about demons from what I understand about him. His sister was a slayer and he had a ton of weapons in his apartment when Yuffie let us in to check it out.

Ingrid has been training, so they should be alright and we'll find them.

We have to find them.

*turns to Irene after he returns from paying for gas, hands her a soda and a candy bar*

You need the sugar if you want to keep looking for her and not pass out.

Current Mood: worried

There is this house on Charleston St. that has always caught me eye. It's one of those houses that you usually find in Savannah, a tribute to the old days, two story brick house with a white picket fence. It's like a reminder of home every time I pass it. I've been considering asking the owner if I could take pictures of it, but it turns out the house isn't even owned.

It's been on the market for years. I asked the realtor if I could have a tour and she gave me the keys. I was a little surprised she'd just trust me with the keys, but she said it's never been a problem before. I made sure to pack some extra film. I want to capture the inside as well as the outside. Maybe if the pictures come out alright, I can pass some copies to the realtor to help her sell the place.

I can't imagine why no one would by it. A brick house that is gorgeous in structure and has withstood the affects of the Hellmouth? It's the perfect property.

I use the key to let myself in, not expecting to find the house with power. The lights flicker on the moment the door closes behind me. That's strange, because I didn't close the door. There is a spiral staircase leading to the second floor. I've always loved spiral stair cases. Maybe I should bring Irene here so that I can photograph her on the stairs.

The light is shining through the windows, perfect beams of sunshine, so why are the lights on?

I take the stairs two at a time, looking at every inch of the interior as I make my way to the second floor. There is a door at the end of the hallway and I'm drawn to it. I should be taking pictures, capturing the images on film instead of walking towards a door that seems to whisper my name.

My hand pauses on the door knob, my stomach clenches and my instincts say to run. I turn to leave, but the hallway is different. How can it be different? Where the fuck are the stairs.

"Sgt. Hanley! Behind you!" Private Franklin calls out to me. Franklin is dead. He died in the apolcalypse.

"Hanley! Get down!" Bruce's voice is loud and I hit the floor, the ground, taking cover as the arrows from Ashmore's army of demons soar over my head. I can hear the screams of my fellow officers as they are hit with the flaming arrows.

"Franklin! Frank, don't you die on me." I scream, but my voice sounds like it's barely above a whisper. Never loud enough. Nothing is ever enough to save them. I'm trying to crawl to him. To shield Frank with my body until a medic can get to him.

"Sarge..." He coughs up blood, green eyes looking up at me and I remember the letter he gave me before we went out to fight tonight. The letter to his Mama that I swore I'd never have to send. "You...you said I'd be alright."

I lied. Fuck, I'm sorry, but I lied. No one is alright, kid, none of us are. "Frank, hang on, we'll get you out of here."

"Don't lie to him, Aidan." Mary is kneeling beside us, the arrows are still passing over out head, but they seem to miss me as they hit everyone else. "He's dead. Guess you better mail that letter."

"Mary..." She's bleeding. She's a medic so why is she bleeding? Why is Paige dead?

Why am I still here?

My screams are echoing through the walls of this house, this war zone, as I run through the maze of hallways, trying to find a way out. It seems like everything is moving, the paths keep changing, how do I get the hell out of here?

How do I save myself?

A light. A light at the end of the hallway. My own words echoing in my head, 'never go towards the light, Frank. Come back to me, Man. You'll be alright. Don't go towards the light.'

I run towards the light, break through the door, and feel the sun beaming down on me as I struggle to breathe. The key is in my hand. Need to get the key back to the realtor. Need to get some sleep. I'm so fucking tired.

I walk away from the house, can't resist looking back it. It's beautiful. I need to photograph it some time. First, I need to get some sleep. I don't know why I'm so tired.

Maybe I can come back later this week and take pictures.

Current Mood: scared

I've been staying in Penn's apartment since he and Izzy left for Greece. I learned the hard way that you should check the cushions and the bed before sitting or laying down. Penn has weapons stashed all over the apartment. Some seriously cool weapons too. He has this kick ass crossbow that I've been um borrowing while he's been gone.

Yuffie is now the on call Hicks family protector. He needed to teleport a friend to New Orleans and said if India or I needed anything to just call his cell phone and he'd port back. I don't think there will be a problem. We'll be keeping an eye on Yuffie's little sister, Benny, while he's gone too. I was thinking maybe we should all order some pizzas in and stay in tonight, but I don't know how anyone else feels about that.

Maybe if I offer to supply beer to anyone who agrees they won't leave the apartment building they will all agree. It's a good plan. Safer than having them roaming the streets of Sunnydale on a Friday night. Though, if they decide they want to go out tonight? I'm calling in some favors to the guys at the base and having them join us...for just a beer of course.

What? Can't be too careful. These are Irene's siblings. Non of them are getting hurt on my watch.

Shit. Note to self: Don't try and pick up Penn's clothes and put them away. He keeps weapons stashed under piles of clothes. Crap, that really stings.

Current Mood: calm

Captain Morgann ended up saving my ass. Should have known that I would end up being one of the ones to get close to the edge. Think maybe I did know, hence staying near the Captain while I was helping out. I think maybe I should look into talking to someone about some of the stuff I sung about. Guess it's bothering me more than I realized.

I'm shaking it off for now. Irene's sister, Izzy, went out of town so I was asked to help keep an eye on Irene and her siblings. India called it babysitting. I don't think any of the Hicks found that funny. I swear Nick is giving me the evil eye everytime he sees me around his sister, Irene. Maybe I should sit down and talk with him. Find out what his problem is.

I get being protective of your sisters, but I'm not going to hurt Irene.

I want to take some more pictures of Irene, but I'm thinking I may take some candids of the Hicks. They're all pretty photogenic and I think they'd make an interesting project for my photography class. I'll pitch it to them and see what they think.

People are spontaneously combusting as a side affect of the singing and dancing. I checked in with Captain Morgann and he told me what he could. I offered to go out and assist with making sure people aren't bursting into flames. Officially he had to decline my offer, but I could tell he wasn't going to put up a fight if I happened to be out there with a hose or a water gun of some sort to help out.

I warned Irene and asked her to be extra careful. I'm hoping she and her family won't be at risk. Hell, hope all of us won't be at risk, but from what I gather, the more repressed emotions you got, the more likely you are to combust.

Hell. Not sure I'm not going to be the next to go up. I think maybe I'll try and stick close to Morgann. I think he'd probably be the best to watch my six and I trust his judgment. Though, makes me wonder if I'm really going to be of help or if I'm just going to add to their duty.

Irene and I broke into song on our date. That was embarassing, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Took some shots of her and got them developed. Going to slide them under her door before I head out tonight. I have a feeling she's going to be pleasantly surprised how well they turned out.

I knew she was made for the camera.

I've got a training lesson with Irene tonight. Been trying to figure out how to ask her out because I don't know if she is actually interested in me beyond being a friend and teaching her how to defend herself in this town from demons. Sometimes, I think, maybe she is looking at me the way I look at her, but it's hard to tell. Irene is really shy and I don't want to make her uncomfortable.

The more time we spend together? The easier it seems for her to talk to me. I know I've been enjoying the training sessions a lot and I really want to ask her to be the subject of my photography assignment. So, tonight, the plan is to break the ice and ask her out. Then, if that goes alright, I'm going to ask her about modeling for the portraits. I already have some places I'd like to photograph her at. There is an alley behind Ralph's that has this awesome spiral stair case that somehow survived the apocalypse.

The beach has a couple of good spots too. Especially on the rocks. I don't think Irene has any clue just how gorgeous she really is...

*music ques*

*sings softly, looks really freaked out*

" Meet me in outer space.
We could spend the night;
watch the earth come up.
I've grown tired of that place;
won't you come with me? WE could start again."

*grabs a hair brush, using it as a microphone*

"How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.

Meet me in outer space.
I will hold you close,
if you're afraid of heights.
I need you to see this place,
it might be the only way
that I can show you how it feels to be beside you."

*drops to his knees, singing loud into the hairbrush*

"How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
You are stellar."

*music ends*

The hell? I saw other people do it, but I thought they got into some mystical crack. I'm just going to pretend that didn't happen.

Current Mood: curious

New Year's eve turned out better than I thought. I met a girl, Irene, at the party at Ralph. Gorgeous girl, who is new in town and was in need of self defense classes. She let me kiss her at midnight and I have to admit, it was nice to actually ask a girl if I could kiss her. Most girls? They don't give off the ask before you proceed vibe. Irene is special.

We made a date for lunch the next day and she insisted on paying. Afterward, we went back to my place and I started her on crossbow training and some basic self defense moves. She actually has a good eye for target shooting and I think with some more practice she'll be damned skilled with the cross bow. She's pretty shy, so I've been careful with the self defense moves. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

We've set up training for a couple of times a week. I've bumped into her at the college a couple of times, but we're not taking any classes together. My next assignment in Photography is portraiture. I'm going to ask Irene to let me use her as my model. She's so shy, but she's made for the camera. I can tell the pictures will be amazing and I think maybe she'd be surprised just how photographic she is.

Current Mood: cheerful

So, what's to tell? I recently completed my 4 year contract in the Army. Last base I was stationed too, Ft. Wilkins in Sunnydale, California, had some major apocalypse shit rain down and I lost a lot of buddies in the battle. I did the debriefing thing and seriously, I'm fine. As fine as you can be when you fight in an apopcalypse and survive.

I'd always planned to go back home and start school, spend some time with my family and stuff after I got out of the Army. Once the time came for me to make the flight arrangements to return home...I found myself signing up for classes at Sunnydale University. I can't go back home yet. There is a lot I'm still processing and it's not like I can do that around people who have no idea that demons and vampires exist.

I sort of wish I didn't know they exist.

I turn to my camera to express what happened here. I take pictures of the cemetaries, the people in town, and even some of the demons. Maybe it will turn into a book, or maybe I'll burn it one day when I'm finally able to leave this town. For now? It's a way to keep me sane and it saves me on trips to a shrink.

I didn't go home for Christmas this year. Mom and Dad were cool with it. They've gotten used to me not making it back for the holidays over the last few years. They planned to see my sister and her family anyway. I heard that Captain Morgann was needing some people to help paint his and his new wife, Kim, house so I headed over there a few days ago to lend a hand. Captain Morgann is good people. He was the reason those of who did survive made it. His wife is pretty tough too and it's good that something good could come out of all the bad stuff.

Tonight I'm going to check out the New Year's party at Ralph's. Need to unwind and ring in the New Year. Damn sure it turns out to be a better year than this one was.

Current Mood: calm